Poetry Time. Lust, Lust.

T.Edward Redd

Lust, Lust”

I never meant for it to be this much.

No feelings were supposed to be. No emotion.

It was just our touch.

My body was tense and so was yours.

We both agreed it was just lust.

So we pleased each other behind closed doors.

You blew my rocks off. I made your body numb.

Satisfaction. Pleasure. Lust. No emotion.

You kept quiet. While in your heart, feelings begun.

I heard it in your voice. I could see it in your eyes.

Even when you lied and said, “Just lust.”

I knew I had become your heart’s demise.

I never meant for it to mean this much.

I never mean to hurt you.

I thought it was just our touch.

You said just lust.

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Bucket list 2015-2016
Live in the now. Make a special memory today. Make the tomorrow you want by shaping a beautiful today

Before I am 23 I will do all of these things.

 

  • Visit Canada for a week.
  • Enter a bodybuilding competition
  • Watch the sun set
  • Watch the sun rise
  • Illustrate a graphic novel
  • Read 12 books or more. One for each month.
  • Make a collage.
  • Recycle 100+ bottles/cans
  • Buy 7 Avril Lavigne T-shirts
  • Go to a shooting range
  • Look into professional temporary tattoos
  • Design a T-shirt
  • Play a stranger in scrabble
  • Buy a taser
  • Finish a draft of Love Bleeds Red
  • Finish/Publish “Whisper”
  • Go to the Soldiers/ Sailors Monument
  • Plant something
  • Make an Avril Lavigne+The Pretty Reckless Mix
  • Build two build-a-bears and donate them/give them away to someone I don’t know
  • Paint/Draw something on a boarded canvas and give it away
  • Give away 100$ to a stranger
  • Watch the entire Star Wars series before December 18thand go to the premier of The Force Awakens.
  • Attend an outdoor yoga class.
  • Beat a video game’s main story line on a hard difficulty setting
  • Go to the movies 12 times this year or more. One for each month.
  • Get a pedicure
  • Paint a portrait
  • Dog sit someone’s dog for free
  • Volunteer
  • Go go-karting
  • Go paint balling.
  • Go on a nature walk
  • Go fishing with Dad
  • Inspire someone
  • Approach 100 women
  • Go Skinny Dipping
  • Go on a nature walk
  • Go to an orchard
  • Play strip poker
  • Read 1984
  • Look into male stripping classes
  • Look into temporary tattoos
  • Go to the recorder and try your best to get a job as a writer
  • Buy a pocket knife
  • Beat a video game’s main story line on the hardest difficulty
  • Indoor skydiving
  • Get a pet
  • Plant something
  • Fish with dad
  • Go to a baseball game
  • Memorize the alphabet backwards

Nothing Beyond a Man by T. Edward Redd

When I first saw her,

It was love at first sight.

She wanted not my royalty.

She wanted not a dime.

Just a dance with a man she saw across the room.

We moved with such bliss.

I was no Prince Charming. There were no expectations to meet.

Just a man and a woman. She took me from my world.

For the first time in my burdensome life of royalty,

I found a woman who wanted nothing but I.

With her I was naked and free. Free to be just me.

Like the shooting star she was,

She came and went.

Leaving nothing but beautiful stardust, to confirm her existence.

My love was blind. I followed her glow and found the star and my life…dimmed.

I married a woman I barely knew.

A fantasy my desperate mind placed on a stranger. An escape.

Irony would have it that I too was her escape.

She was a poor girl looking to escape her troublesome world.

She found a prince and made him her ticket to freedom.

She was just like the others.

Full of unrealistic needs and expectations.

Can a man not just be a man? Or is man doomed to always play hero and savior?

I never tried to repaint her beautiful canvas.

So why does she try to paint over an already finished work of art?

Cinderella, you made me feel so normal that night.

But why is it now you expect me to be anything more than a man?

Bucket List For Year 22. July 8th 2015-July 8th 2016.

The last time I made a post it was about me expressing my ideas about living in the moment and not for the moment. I decided that instead of living my life dreaming of that moment I see myself the happiest, I will be living each and every day making special moments for myself. Living. Pushing myself out of myself out of my comfort zone and making sure every minute is fun.

I didn’t quit my job. I’m still in college and I still want to become a successful husband and father some day. But now those are small fragments of my life’s vision. My vision is to live my life having fun and making adventures both humongous and microscope and everything in between. I’m 22 and from now until the day I die I will be making every moment special.

I’ve decided that I will be doing a bucket list for the year. From here until I’m 23 I’m going to complete a list of 50 things I want to do. Most of these things will be firsts for me. I don’t want my life to be routine or plain. I don’t want to be the type of person who just works, comes home, hangout with friends every so often, then repeat. I realize that who I am is an adventurer. A dreamer. I want to embrace that and hopefully embrace others to do the same.

  • Visit Canada for a week.
  • Enter a bodybuilding competition
  • Watch the sun set
  • Watch the sun rise
  • Illustrate a graphic novel
  • Read 12 books or more. One for each month.
  • Make a collage.
  • Recycle 100+ bottles/cans
  • Buy 7 Avril Lavigne T-shirts
  • Go to a shooting range
  • Look into professional temporary tattoos
  • Design a T-shirt
  • Play a stranger in scrabble
  • Buy a taser
  • Finish a draft of Love Bleeds Red
  • Finish/Publish “Whisper”
  • Go to the Soldiers/ Sailors Monument
  • Plant something
  • Make an Avril Lavigne+The Pretty Reckless Mix
  • Build two build-a-bears and donate them/give them away to someone I don’t know
  • Paint/Draw something on a boarded canvas and give it away
  • Give away 100$ to a stranger
  • Watch the entire Star Wars series before December 18th and go to the premier of The Force Awakens.
  • Attend an outdoor yoga class.
  • Beat a video game’s main story line on a hard difficulty setting
  • Go to the movies 12 times this year or more. One for each month.
  • Get a pedicure
  • Paint a portrait
  • Dog sit someone’s dog for free
  • Volunteer
  • Go go-karting
  • Go paint balling.
  • Go on a nature walk
  • Go fishing with Dad
  • Inspire someone

So far I’ve only got 35 things. I’ve been taking ideas from friends and family to make the list more meaningful and challenging. I’ll update this list as I come up with more challenges and complete them. Each time I complete something on my list I’ll post a picture on here and Instagram.

My point in posting this stuff is to hopefully inspire others to live life in the moment and not for it. Have a blast. Do something that makes your blood rush. Laugh everyday and make others smile. I look forward to completing this list!

Destination Happiness

happiness_bulldogdrummond

Take a moment and think about where you want to be in life. Think about that dream you have. Picture the moment that will make you the happiest in your life. A lot of us spend most of our lives going to school, then working long days for years on in. During those moments we picture ourselves reaching this special place and at the end of that vision we see ourselves at this happy spot. Some people are raising families at the end of that vision, some people finally find the one and get married, some people have successful careers. For the most part though we see ourselves happy at the end. At the END.

This didn’t come to me until I noticed a common answer to a question I ask friends or even new people.

“Hey! How was your week? Did you do anything interesting?”

“Not really. I worked. Watched Netflix. Hung out with some friends.”

This is seriously the answer I get from a large majority of people. Even strangers. Some answers vary. But I notice this trend of repetitive weekly cycles. Work, school, maybe some friend time here and there, sleep then repeat. This BUGS me. Especially when I hear the reasons why people are working so much. Most people I know are working so they gain the liberty to do something. Where’s the dream chasers? Where’s the people with wacky and hilarious stories to tell?

Shouldn’t every single moment we live be like the moments we envision making us the happiest? Not moments envisioning that long awaited moment of joy but feeling it the entire time? I know people will think I’m against work. But I’m not. I understand that money is needed for things. I’m in school pursuing a B.A in English so I can get a career doing something I love. But that’s 2-3 years from now. I want to visit Canada for a week. So I need to save up money for it. But that’s 8 months from now. What this post is about is “now”. While we’re waiting for that special moment we should be making all of the moments in-between just as special.

There is no destination happiness. Happiness is a lifestyle. It’s the actions and choices we make on a daily basis. Last winter I traveled to England because I thought I met the woman of my dreams. I made zero hesitations. As soon as I had a break from school, I took a week away from work and went to England ALONE. And it was my FIRST time flying a plane and going overseas.

Stupid? Sure. Dangerous? YES. But, damn I was living. I was living in the moment and not for the moment. My heart was racing every minute of it. I got to see the world from high above. I got to see another part of the world. I saw all of these different cultures and spoke to people from different parts of the world. I had the best New Years of my life. And things didn’t even turn out the way I wanted. I got my heart broken. The trip had it’s high and low points. Regardless of how the trip turned out, I had one of the greatest trips in my life. I made a story I will never forget. I traveled across the freaking world. I was brave. I chased a dream. I don’t regret a single moment because that trip taught me how to live my life to the fullest.

That’s how we should be living our lives each day. Regardless of what good or bad comes our way, we should be living life the way we dream of living it. We shouldn’t be living our lives for the moment but in it. And no I’m not saying it’s bad to have goals. I’m not saying quit your job. A farmer too lazy to plant in the spring has nothing to harvest in the fall. You have to work if you want to survive in this world for the most part. I still want to graduate from college. I very much still want to be a successful husband and father someday. But now I realize those things are only TINY fragments of a much bigger picture.

I used to dream of being 27-30. When I was 27 I would be married and before 30 I would have children. Envisioning myself in those scenarios made me happy. REALLY happy. It even gave me hope. It was truly my designated happy moment. So whenever I met a girl remotely compatible to me I would suddenly go from a 7 to 10 on my happiness scale. Why? Because I was one step closer to my designated happy moment that I had envisioned for years. I’m 22 by the way (haha).

During those low moments in England I cried. I mean I really CRASHED. And it wasn’t because of her. I felt that my happiness had literally been snatched away. Stolen. I felt robbed and betrayed. The one moment I dreamed of for years was further away and it killed me. Can you see how ridiculous that is? I placed so much value in a moment that didn’t exist that it ended up hurting me. That’s what most of us do. We put value in all of these things and let happiness take a physical form. Once it’s gone we crash and we crash hard. We place our happiness in a future we have never seen to give us the most happiness. Honestly I think that’s insane.

I see people worship cars. What happens when that car is gone or totaled? They’re PISSED. They worked their rear for it. They worked and dreamed of that moment where they’d ride that car. Happy as can be. Then just like that when the car is gone so it the joy that came with it. Apply that scene to any long termed goal you have that you imagine making you really happy. I’m willing to bet if it fell apart, so would you. That is crazy.

I am so happy I went to England. It made me realize I was living life partly wrong. My attitude was solid but my mentality was off. Cease the moment and don’t hold back. I saw something i wanted and went for it. I didn’t wait. And that experience gave me tons of experiences and even knowledge. Happiness shouldn’t be what the future can give but what we can give ourselves in the present moment. Today. These moments should make us so happy that a little alteration in tomorrow won’t bug us so much. Happiness is something we all have the choice and power to create.

Tomorrow I will be watching my first sunset. I’ve never done it before. I’ve decided that I want to do something new every single day. I want to create moments every day until I’m at the moment I dream of the most and maybe after. I want to do things I’d never dream of or always have dreamed of but was too scared to do it. Everything doesn’t require a large bill. Watching sunsets is free. Instead of waiting for moments I want to cease make them and cease one’s that present themselves. I want every moment to make my heart race.

I hadn’t blogged for a while and it’s because I didn’t really have a subject. But now I think I want to inspire people to live life to it’s fullest. Go out of your comfort zone. Chase and catch a dream.

Day 30 out of 30. Blog Challenge is OVER!

30 days ago I set a goal to post on my blog for 30 days straight. The plan was to get me used to blogging again so that I can bring my blog back to life. At first I was a little lazy with this but after a friend scolded me about not posting I dove deep into this. I’m pretty proud with my dedication. For the most part I posted alot of stories that I’ve been working on. Now I’m going to start focusing this blog on my graphic novel and spreading inspiration..

Here’s my final story share. I’ll post more monthly.

Iris by T. Edward Redd

Green

My family was made of ten people including myself. There’s the twins, Julie and Elain, Me, Astrid, Rosary, Bridgette, Olivie, Oceana, little Violet and of course my mother, Catherine. My mother was a beautiful woman in her late thirties. She had long brown hair and her eyes were emerald green like mine.

She loved gardening and took care of her lovely and spacious home. It lied on the outskirts of New York. Far enough to not be disturbed or cause trouble to humans. But close enough to watch over them. It was in a very secluded area surrounded by lovely green plants and trees. Early in the day my mother would always be found in the kitchen making breakfast for me and my sisters.

The twins were the oldest of the siblings. They were twenty and usually wore these matching outfits, which were usually blouses with jeans or skirts. They were those cliché type of twins, being identical and doing practically everything together. They ever said phrases and did expressions likes sighs and huffs at the same time. They were really good with magic, smarts and usually watched over me and my sisters when Mother was away.

Astrid was two years younger than me. She was a petite girl with straight and black hair similar to mine. Hers was shoulder length though. She also had green eyes but unlike me her face was patterned with tan and brown freckles. Typically, Astrid wore black and white short-sleeved shirts with black pants. Her hands were always stained with paint from her daily passion for painting.

Rosary was a year younger than me and annoyingly reminded me a lot of myself. She was very sarcastic, playful and stubborn. She had habits of picking on the siblings too. She wasn’t all bad though. She was loving, strong and confident just like me. But her taste in outfits reminded me nothing of myself. She wore red shirts with brown or black pants. She also had freckles and brown hair cut in a bowl shaped sort of way. She usually wore ponytails on each side of her head.

Olivie was my fraternal twin. We look exactly the same for the most part. She got my father’s eyes which were a bluish silver. She always loves to remind me that she’s the oldest (by two hours) but far from the most mature. She loved to break curfew, avoids chores and even breaks certain rules our kinds must obey. But she isn’t completely bad. She has a pretty kind and protective heart, she makes us laugh and she’s one of us.

Bridgette was probably the most polite out of us all. She was three years younger than me but very obedient, polite and well mannered. Her hair was long, brown and curly like Mother’s. She usually wore her ponytail to the side. She always dressed in an elegant manner, typically wearing dress shirts with dress pants or dresses.

 

Oceana was what most people would call the odd child of the family. She stuck out like a sore thumb. She dressed pretty nicely, favoring black and white striped shirts like Astrid. But she liked to wear black skirts instead of pants. When she was six she accidentally permanently turned her hair by playing with magic. She’s very gifted in sorcery and very intelligent. She was only fourteen.

And lastly there’s our adorable little Violet. At only age four she was already transforming and realizing her gifts. Mother considered her the most prominent Green to realize her gifts in several generations. She was the youngest to ever transform. Bridgette or Mother were the ones who usually dressed her so she always wore dresses with stocking. Her hair was long and black and her eyes were like our dad’s. She was very adorable which she always used to her advantage. Whenever Mother wasn’t around Violet was always getting into trouble and winning Mother over with her charm when caught.

So that’s my family. We usually kept a low profile and things were pretty laid back at home. Even though we were so different we never attracted danger. Unlike the filthy leech. She really was like some tornado. She had been gone for almost two years and yet I was still cleaning the destruction she left behind. The barn outside our home had become the place I spent my time the most after she left.

Our land was pretty big. Aside from the home we had a garden and a barn. We raised livestock for money. I actually didn’t like animals too much. But the barn was the only place I could put the statue. Mother wouldn’t let me put it in her beautiful garden and I was afraid the siblings would break it if it were inside. Plus being outside gave me privacy with him. Oceana was usually out there with me but she was quiet for the most part, just studying her magic and spells quietly.

For the hundredth time I watched a bird land on the statue’s head. I didn’t bother shooing it that time. Part of me was losing hope. A year ago that statue was a person, my best friend. Then he fell in love with a demon who led an immortal gorgon here. She got him petrified and left him without even trying to revive him. She turned herself in. The day played through my mind as if it had happened the day before.

Sometimes I wondered how Samantha Black was doing. The last time I saw her she said something about being taken into solitude. By getting Thomas killed she committed a horrible and unforgivable crime amongst her kind. Every time I thought about her I hated myself for missing her. She was the one who got him into this mess yet she was all I had left of him. I tried to save her but she didn’t let me.

I looked at my mobile phone again. I was waiting for her to contact me again. But she hadn’t called or even messaged me. As usual she was running late. As my ears picked up pecking noises I nearly screamed. The bird was pecking at the statue’s head. We had been working on reviving him for a year and we were on the verge of a breakthrough. I couldn’t afford to let the statue get harmed in anyway.

“Shoo! Shoo!” I shouted. I ran and swatted at it. It flew away for a brief moment. But as soon as I walked away it landed on the statue again and squawked at me.

“Do you want me to rip you in two featherhead? Get off!” I shouted. It just kept squawking as I yelled at it. Suddenly a blue light struck the bird. It quickly fled away as smoke and feathers fell from its body.

Oceana held a wand in her hand as she jumped up and down. She said, “I got it! I got it! Caroline did you see?”

I said, “You nearly blew his head off, Oceana! Go practice your magic somewhere else!” I went back to the workbench and looked at my phone again. I huffed and said, “Where is she? She’s never on time!”

Oceana sat beside me. She said, “You mean that half-blood? It’s so weird that she’s helping you like this. They don’t like our kind. I always thought they hated us.”

I said, “She had a change of heart when she found out Samantha wasn’t a pure blooded demon. She feels guilty so she’s trying to revive Thomas. I don’t particularly like her but she’s the best chance I have with reviving him.”

Oceana got up and walked to the statue. She held her had to her chin and observed it like she was some lab expert.

She said, “Hm. No one’s ever revived the petrified before. And spirit children are against dark arts. How are you two going to revive him?”

I ignored her annoying skepticism. I was already down on luck and my hope in seeing him breathe again kept dimming. Why? Why couldn’t I stop thinking about Samantha Black? Every time I shut my eyes I saw her watching me with that ugly blank gaze. Part of me felt I had a better chance of reviving him if she had stayed and worked with me. I was working with the girl responsible for getting Samantha sent to Hell then captured by demon hunters.

Out of nowhere the earth around us started shaking violently. I looked towards the grassland in front of me as a bolt of red and orange light fired from the ground. Ghoulish cries of terror and mourn erupted from the fiery pits of Hell as an old wooden gate rose from the ground. I stood up as the portal opened.

A girl raced out while she carried a huge sword over her back. She was wearing white robes with white dress boots. As she ran out of the portal a gigantic hand reached out for her.

A monstrous voice shouted, “Ye shall not escape.” It’s hand casted a huge shadow over her. She rolled her eyes as she stopped running and let out an annoyed sigh.

She said, “What a sore loser.” She took her sword with both hands and turned to the hand. She swung it and shouted, “BANISHMENT!” Immediately a blaze of yellow energy rippled from the sword and engulfed the demon’s hand. It cried in pain as the hand started incinerating away. She threw the sword into the air and clapped her hands together. As soon as her hands clapped the Hell Gate blew into thousands of pieces. The area was left clean as if nothing had ever happened.

She held her hand up to catch the sword. She turned to me and waved saying, “Sorry I’m late. It’s easy to lose track of time down there. Did you know time doesn’t exist in soul realms?”

I did know. But only because she told me every time I saw her. Oceana was still nervous whenever she came around. She quickly got beside me as she walked our way.

She said, “Wow. She’s so strong. Did you see the size of that thing? She blew it away like it was nothing. Caroline she’s not safe to be around. What if she decides to kill us or worse?”

I said, “We’re not pure blooded demons. She can’t attack us without being told to. Just relax.”

We watched the spirit child walk towards us. She was covered in scrapes and blood. From fighting demons I presume. Her robes were spotless though. They acted as armor against demon magic and physical attacks. It was weightless and looked like cotton but it was extremely durable. Only the strongest creatures could damage it. But her skin wasn’t as durable. It looked like she got knocked around a few times.

But as usual she showed no signs of pain. She smiled as she put her sword over her shoulder. She said, “Caroline. How are you?”

I said, “I’m fine. You look like you’ve seen better days.”

She looked at her wounds saying, “Oh these? I’m fine. They’ll all be closed up within the hour. I want to show you what I got down there.”

She had a bag over her shoulder. She knelt down and started digging through it. Finally she took out this jar with pink fluid in it. It looked slimy, bubbly and disgusting. It was like mucus or something. She was smiling like she had a trophy in her hands.

She said, “This is imp blood mixed with gorgon venom. I had to go across plains to get the latter’s.”

Oceana said, “You mean like realms? How do you travel back and forth like that? I mean it kind of looks cool.”

She said, “Oh that? It’s easy actually. You just need to know the incantation and…”

“Christine focus!” I said impatiently. “You’re already late and you’re not teaching my little sister how to open those gates. How are we brining back, Thomas?”

Farewell Angel

Humans are so odd. I’m sure she isn’t exactly human now that I’ve seen what she can do. But Caroline obviously has emotions similar to human ones. For 200 years I walked this Earth sad and alone. Every living person I came across feared or attacked me. It made me grow hateful and angry towards them. Then he made me remember. Thomas made me remember what love felt like.

I watched Caroline lie on the ground. There was no way of getting through to her. She was willing to fight those killers for my sake. No more blood. I wanted absolutely no more blood on my hands. It became so obvious to me once I saw Thomas’s once living body as a stone relic. I am a danger to every living person I come in contact with. I had no business walking amongst the living. I wasn’t going to let Caroline die for me. So I knocked her out.

“Sorry,” I said. “It was a noble thing to do, Caroline. But I need to go away. I don’t belong here. Take really good care of that statue. I want to bring him back. Make no mistake about that. But even if we did manage that, do you think he’d be safe around me? No. This is the best choice. Goodbye, Caroline.”

I’m not sure if she even heard me with being knocked out. Thomas was a statue. Caroline was knocked out on the ground and the Delphiniums were all on the ground fatally wounded. No matter where I went destruction always followed. So I had to spare everyone and go far away. I watched as Lance and his soldiers came my way.

He shouted, “Don’t move! By Lady Maria if you move I will obliterate your body and destroy you.”

I held out my wrist and said, “I don’t plan to fight you. Do what you must. Please.”

He grabbed my wrist and chained them. He almost took Caroline as well. But I begged him to spare her. As he started leading me away I just watched Thomas. It felt like he was still there. It felt like he was watching me and calling for me. I wanted to cry.

“Wait,” I said. “Wait! I need to see him once more!” I ran to him without thinking. It was only luck that prevented Lance from destroying my body. They just watched as ran to Thomas. I screamed for him to come back to life. I begged him to wake up and convince me to fight them all so I could be with him. I shouted for him to come back to life. I didn’t want isolation. I didn’t want to die. I wanted him. Him and nothing else.

I cried tearlessly, “Please! Wake up and bring me to life again. Save me from this Hell! You’re my salvation. Without you I truly am damned! I have no one else! You’re my angel in the darkness. My beacon of light. Make the world pretty again and come back to me…please…”

Slowly I got to my knees and started crying tearlessly. Why did I feel so human with him? Even when my heart didn’t pump I felt so strongly for him. My body was dead but he brought my soul to life. And in return I couldn’t offer him anything. Not even tears. I destroyed him. The darkness inside of me destroyed the only light I had seen in 200 years.

Eventually Lance and his soldiers got tired of waiting. After they healed the Delphiniums they were ready to take me back to Nightingale. Christine was surprisingly not happy to see me being dragged off to either be executed or placed in solitude. She ran to Lance and stopped him.

She said, “Before you take her I need to ask her something!” She walked to me. I could see the frustration in her face. She said, “I’ve casted away literally hundreds of demons. How did you escape Hell? Tell me! I need to know how you did it!”

Lance and his soldiers laughed loudly. He said, “Poor rookie. She’s clueless.”

Christine said, “What’s funny? Stop that! I need answers! I practice nonstop every day. My techniques are foolproof. Tell me how this ordinary vampire escaped Hell! It’s impossible!”

I sighed. “You’re a talented slayer, Christine. I didn’t escape Hell. I was rejected and sent back to this realm. I’ve told you this over and over. I’m not a demon.”

“You mean you weren’t lying,” she said softly.

Lance laughed and said, “Samantha Black a demon?” He laughed harder. “The girl wouldn’t harm a fly! Well maybe if you hurt her family. For the most part she keeps to herself. They probably won’t believe she got involved with a mortal. Sucks because I’d hate to see a sweet girl like her locked away.”

She said, “Wait! What? Samantha’s innocent? But that can’t be…”

They ignored her as they kept laughing. She kept watching me as they started taking me away. It probably wouldn’t have made a difference. But I really wished that I could read her mind at that point. She found out the girl she had been stalking actually was innocent. She kept gawking me with a look that spoke guilt.

I said, “Make it up by bringing him back to life, spirit child. By the time you manage that it’ll be impossible for him to find me. Farewell.”

I'm just a guy who decided to stop sleeping but kept dreaming. I'm Edward Redd and I write novels. Come get blown away by my imagination.